Maybe I'm doing too much

Its times like these that make me remember why I stayed to myself before.

I'm really trying to figure out some things. My main question is: why am I so different? I can't seem to see eye-to-eye nor make people understand where I'm coming from. I feel like I can't win. I really want to speak, be heard and be understood.

I feel like I'm the last of a dying breed. My friends should know me, and for the most part they do. Sometimes I feel like people closer just don't truly get me. I'm not translating correctly. I'm logical, fair, not overbearing, but protective.

Do you ever think that you don't ask for too much, but then randomly alot happens? I feel like crying right now. I'm being overwhelmed with emotions. I'm confused as to why certain things continue to happen and I'm supposed to just deal with it. "well, I guess you just gotta deal with it." Those were the words used. I'm upset at the fact that "I" have to endure so much in a "we" situation.

I hope I'm not losing myself.. It's happening too fast and it's all wrong. People really don't see how their past can factor into their present or futures.

Thanks blog. I'm glad you are always here to listen, uninterrupting and unmoved.


-- Post From My iPhone

You Know What I Find Funny...

I find it hilarious that I can't seem to say how I feel and when I finally can, I say entirely too much. Instead of saying just how I feel in a particular moment, how I felt about someone or something in the past comes up as well.

I also listen more than I speak, it just so happens that when I speak not everything being said is important, just bits and pieces are.

The funniest thing just so happens to be me, because I'm a funny person.

I contradict myself in some very imaginable ways. I'm very guarded even though I try to be as open as possible. That has to be the biggest laugh.

Anyway, later.

-- Post From My iPhone

"Why Do You Love Me?"

Tonight you asked me why I love you. I love you because the way you make me feel. You support me in everything, you're honest, funny, smart and inquisitive. Though at times your honesty may be a little harsh, I know you are being open with me and ultimately you mean well. When we kissed, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. The cheesy moments we have together are only between us.

Asking me why I love you offended me, It made me feel like my actions aren't enough and honestly they aren't. Another reason I deleted my Twitter was because I felt like it was distracting. Having a long distance relationship is hard enough, so I just want to make sure I'm focused on being with you.

Looking at the pics of us together only makes me more excited about the future. I can't wait to be with you again, kissing you, walking down the street with you and just being close to you.

I love you.


-- Post From My iPhone

Untitled...

It's hard for me to title these because I never know what I'm about to say.

Anyway, life is really good. I still can't figure ppl out, but I stopped trying to figure them out a long time ago.

I'm beginning to notice more and more that it's hard for ppl to accept responsibility. You would think ppl could admit to their mistakes, own up and move on, but like everything else, it's easier said than done!

Instead of summing things up, I'll add two cents a day.

Ta ta.


-- Post From My iPhone

People Come and Go

I will never understand how you can know someone for so long and think you have them somewhat figured out. We are all complex, emotional beings and that's what makes us so unpredictable.

Things can be great and then abruptly come to a halt. When it comes to friendships, I used to be pretty confident that I'm a damn good friend and I keep those around, but I've been questioning lately if that truly is the case.

I thank god for every encounter I've had, because each person is an experience. It's just shocking how people come and go. All you can do is let them go and let them be. My efforts have not been reciprocated, so maybe it really isn't meant to be.

It's definitely okay though, I'm still working on other chapters of my book as this one closes. I'm always excited about starting new chapters as well.

Maybe I should get a new number and see who notices.
=]


-- Post From My iPhone

Let go of: Foolishness

It's summertime. It's hot outside, people get in heat and get a little attention and act out.

For those that act crazy, then act like nothing is wrong, they do that because it's their norm. I hope and pray that one day they'll change.

As for all of this foolishness, it's being let go of.
=]

"Smile not to put on a show for others, but to feel the happiness as you put forth the effort"

-- Post From My iPhone

The reason...

The reason people act a certain way is because of the experiences they've had. I've experienced a lot of people being wishy-washy in my life so I act like I don't care when deep down I do. I act like I don't care because in the past when I cared it meant nothing so I count the option of caring out now.

The reason I think so much is because I know plenty of people that speak before they think and I've learned that sometimes acting on your impulses isn't the best option for everyone.

The reason I feel that I won't have a great relationship with anyone is because people don't know what they want. I know 30yr old men that have told me they still aren't sure what their ideal partner would be like.

Through other peoples hurt, pain, joy, laughter, complacentcy, etc as well as my own, I have built my own wall of reason as to why I act the way I act. Until you've talked to someone or experienced them long enough to know why they do some of the things they do, you may not surely know where certain things are coming from inside of them.

Most importantly, the reason for this blog is clarity. It is becoming clearer and clearer to me we are all misunderstood and that is why things happen, good and bad. It's confusing but in the end it all make sense to me.

When I do something and you don't understand it, ask me and I'll gladly tell you.
I'm an open book.


-- Post From My iPhone