(Not So Merry) Christmas

I am happy to be alive; employed; healthy; loved.
I am unhappy to be away from everything I ever knew; some loved ones; my comfort zone.

Holidays have never been the greatest part of the year for me. I've never had a lot, but I've usually had just enough. This year it feels like I have nothing. I'm broke, miss my mother, boyfriend is out and I'm just in the same four walls that I'm always in.

I hope everyone really took today out to realized how blessed they were and how much they have compared to other people. The holidays really are about who you're with, so don't spend them alone if you don't have to.

Some may not like their family very much, but at the end of the day that's all you have. If you don't have them, you really don't have anything.

This year, I don't have anything.

Know you're loved
Happy Holidays.

Tired of Lonely

Have you ever been around people and still felt alone? I'm starting to feel alone alot, like I'm losing touch with everything.

I don't get to talk to my close friends as often as I would like to anymore, I barely have any friends in this city and it just feels like I'm always annoying my boyfriend. I just feel like I should be in a mental institution, atleast I'd have free room & board, meals, TV time, sleeping pills, etc.

Shit, now that I break it down, where do I sign up?!?

I try to put all my energies into the right places, but it seems like I get nothing but the wrong things back.

If you were dating someone and truly wanted to be with that one, would all the games and bullshit of outside people seem important anymore?

If a good friend of yours had been calling you day after day after day, would you think maybe something was up or think nothing of it?

Just a couple of questions...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Disappointment

Sometimes I wonder why things still amaze me. I've been disappointed since birth, so what's the point in acting like I'm shocked anytime something happens? Most people that have ever been close to me at one point or another have disappointed me, yet my thought process still isn't "it's only a matter of time" Does that make me naive? I'm starting to think I have been.

Between work, love and life in general, I am beginning to slump. I haven't progressed at all since I've moved, I've just been stagnant. I'm ready for something big to happen, whether it's for me or if I'm just apart of some project.

It's time for a new circle of friends, a new job, just a new situation, or should I just go back and shape the previous one?

Either way, I feel like I'll have to face more disappointment soon.

Hmph.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Welp!

I was just thinking, why do people treat each other so strangely when It comes to relationships? Instead of just being about being with one another, all this random weird shit happens. Random changes happen and it's like "what the hell?"

This thing happens where I'm in a situation and I don't talk about it, but randomly a friend or two will call me up because they're experiencing something similar.

Fuck it Long story short, people just expect more out of me than themselves and this holds true in all facets of my life. At work, I'm expected to do my job better than someone who has been there longer than me, only because I'm me. In my love life, I'm expected to follow orders and not ask questions of my own. I can't even properly confront my past because of how strange that situation was.

Do you ever feel like you're the one of you, so no one could ever relate and understand?

Curious feeling that can be..


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone